I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
