get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
