we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
