I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
