So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize