Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize