Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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