You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize