Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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