well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize