No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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