Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
