Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
