just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize