dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
smell my finger.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
