Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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