So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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