the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize