Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
