Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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