i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
