Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
