Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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