I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You may now shotgun with the bride
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
