you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
