i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
