Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
