the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
