The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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