You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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