he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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