May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
