So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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