She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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