ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I looked at my own cervix.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
