dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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