Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize