The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
