Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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