oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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