I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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