The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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