every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
