hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
