Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
