Where is the hickey?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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