I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
