You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
