Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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