i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
