Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
