Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
