This is not my ceiling
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
