I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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