Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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