i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
