I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
