I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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