Someone shit on the floor
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
