apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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