This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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