Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
