the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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