I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
