so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
