I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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