Her vagina should come with caution tape.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
