birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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