Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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