Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
