I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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