why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We talked him into tasing himself.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
