she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize